my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
