i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
