Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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