i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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