I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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