she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Terrible idea I love it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize