my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
