...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
