1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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