did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
