My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
