No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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