I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
