I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we should paint friendship bongs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
