I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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