she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize