And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
