You really coming over, don't trick.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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