Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
