drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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