if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
operation have a gay friend backfired
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
