i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
