You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
