I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
