Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
