I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
