You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
