Your face is a jimmy john
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
