If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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