I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
