Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
