I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
