you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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