i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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