i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
