OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
