Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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