i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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