Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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