The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
