I need help removing her.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
