walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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