He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
