why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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