I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize