I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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