Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize