the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
