I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
