Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
