she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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