I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
