Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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