I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
