Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
