vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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