I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
