I wannas sexs uuuuu
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
