420 ftw
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
