Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
