Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
