Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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