Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
